Who could forget the mother splashed across headlines following disciplining her sons after discovering they had broken into a neighbor’s home and stolen items; story receiving national attention when police filed child abuse charges against her for what many considered deserved punishment post committing burglary. However people rapidly responded uprating the media for misrepresented their headline/story title; “Louisiana mom could face felony charges after punishing sons for robbery” What idiot wrote that headline??? She’s not facing felony charges for punishing her sons-she’s facing felony charges for CHILD ABUSE. Her ‘punishment’ consisted of whipping them until they bled. That’s blatant child abuse. This is not about the punishment, it’s about her taking the punishment way, way across the line into physical abuse. So let’s get the damn headline aligned with the facts here, and not write headlines like they’re click-bait stories.” [Sic] Correcting, she was not arrested, charged, forced to bond out of jail, her children remitted to local child protective services because she disciplined 3 for criminal behavior, not even because she spanked them when learning what they were guilty of. She was arrested and charged on suspicion of child abuse after police received a report, spoke with both her and the aforementioned 3 minors, 2 merely preteens, involved; sections of that police filing quoted in news segments, added to descriptions in YouTube videos, detailing equally noticeable marks and injuries on the children accompanied by her openly admitted statements regarding what she did do in response to her undeniably wayward sons’ actions, prompting them to move forward. The eldest son “had lacerations to both his arms and linear marks on his leg, shoulder, back and stomach…” The 12-year-old had “lacerations to his left arm that did break his skin,” and the 10-year-old had “a small scratch on his hand;” Baton Rouge mom providing she spanked 2 of her children with an RCA cord and 1 with a belt. Public predictably split on whether or not what she did constituted child abuse or severe discipline matching severely bad, potentially life threatening, dangerous behavior; many sympathizing with how at her wits end she must have been, others recalling what their parents would have done to them, never failing to cite how out of control kids are these days, their complete lack of respect for parents, elders, possessing a raging sense of entitlement, believing they can get away with anything precisely because parents don’t spank anymore, are afraid to discipline them for fear the state will step in. Some even admonishing the cops for not looking at the entire, complete situation before going through with filing charges, but are we paying a high price for truing a blind eye to what would be considered assault and domestic violence under any other circumstance, when we look up laceration in varying dictionaries to fully understand exactly what police were describing in their findings? Taken verbatim from Merriam Webster’s website (a deep cut or tear of the flesh, the act of cutting or tearing flesh, a torn and ragged wound), comprehending that’s what she did to her kids. You aren’t alone if you think society loses something allowing this; especially taking into account had she altered her methods a disturbingly little bit, there would have been no grounds to arrest, charge her at all for what she saw as discipline, a harsh spanking for the correction of criminal, not just bad behavior. Most states, particularly in the region she lives in, permit spanking under pretty lax conditions saying belts, shoes and hairbrushes are acceptable tools provided you don’t spank in anger and there are no bruises, cuts, minor open wounds, lasting marks, marks having to be visible over 24 hours to reach the threshold of abuse. Prompting simple questions, so why couldn’t she stay within those barely there lines, limiting their spanking to the buttocks not all over their body, even moving you don’t get lacerations on their shoulder and stomach, not leaving open cuts, lacerations “that did break his skin” on one child, not leaving marks and bruises that last? More than a slim majority hearing the list of tools and scant depictions between discipline and abuse find it unbelievably barbaric; her repetitive blubbering she doesn’t understand, maybe she should-a did nothing perceived as profoundly hollow and utterly ignorant in the wake of you don’t understand: firstly discipline, common sense boundaries of parental authority doesn’t equal hitting, whopping, spanking, the right to hit whoop or spank? You don’t understand some simple parameters; during spankings you cannot leave lasting marks going past 24 hours, cannot break skin, cause them to bleed, hit them anywhere outside their buttocks? How hard is that to understand, or is it like so much else, you, and by extension collective society as a whole, don’t want to understand; don’t want to contemplate though our parents did it, it may not have been morally right, shouldn’t have been legally permitted? Though it was common place, standard practice when you were growing up and the world seemed better; spanking, even then, overshadowed darker things, had pretty startling unintended consequences. And then there’s the case surrounding Shanavia Miller going viral on the internet for repeatedly hitting her daughter, 16 with some sort of object, slapping, punching her repeatedly while calling her names after she discovered provocative pictures the daughter posted on Facebook including her with a boy, allegedly also having sex in her mother’s house, taking inappropriate pictures in her mother’s house. Georgia police saying they were made aware of the video and sent it up to their child services division, no word yet on charges for this mother; again public divided between those who are staunchly behind settlements she needed the ‘ass whooping’ and those who are totally behind using some finesse, caution absorbing the subject matter. Once more people divided between those who think mom went too far, those who think the punishment apt since her daughter left nothing to the imagination on public social media, Facebook being exceedingly popular and used globally, to those others who agree with mother’s actions but criticize her broadcasting it. Again, discipline scenes which could easily be termed assault or domestic violence, if/when happening to adults. Multifaceted opinions signaling the ends justify the means; we’ll do anything to prevent another thug, gangbanger, hood rat, criminal, anything to avoid supporting another pregnant teenager, another ‘pernicious tramp’ with 8 kids by 8 different fathers, most of them ‘poor white trash’ or black, like it’s some kind of slur, ‘Mexican illegal immigrants,’ anything except proven methods that work. And, we need to start caring about what works and what doesn’t, unless we want to be the next rape victims, beating victims, acid attack victims, us, our family targets of serial killer kids, all of the above, who become dangerous adults not because they were out of control, never given limits, consequences, solidly taught right from wrong, but because the teachers of that right and wrong taught them, by their actions, their behavior towards them domestic violence, in all forms including parental, was an acceptable way to get people to do what you want. Supported by larger society who did nothing to stop parents following the dubious example set by Spears and Miller, well surpassing even what they would do leading to darker cases, results: death and sexual abuse, shame and humiliation morphing into psychosis coming along right behind it underpinning the very criminality they are so convinced spanking, beating, ass whooping prevents not pervades.
Update, no charges for Schaquana Spears not that there was much hope to start with news anchors recording area prosecutor’s blatantly biased view on what transpired from the very beginning: “Parents have the right and obligation to discipline and teach their children,” [Hillar] Moore said. “We often time see children who have no parental authority or discipline which eventually results in delinquency and criminal acts. We need more parents who discipline their children. Surely you would expect a parent to discipline a child who is burglarizing other people’s homes as this could be a deadly encounter for the child.” Stating upon announcement of his decision not to pursue criminal charges, “he won’t interfere with a parent’s discipline if it doesn’t cross the line.” Opposing response on significant social grounds echoing this comment on the original airing and arrest begging logical next step of questions, “I support what she did BUT if they allow this to go unpunished then where do we draw the line? Can you beat your kids the same way if they don’t clean their room? Are we gong to have to draw up a list of offenses in which its OK to whip your kids and a list of offenses in which its not OK?? And exactly how much of a beating is acceptable? What if she beat one of them into a coma? Or beat them with a golf club and broke one of their legs? Well lucky for us, the rules have already been made and she broke them. Even though, for a robbery, those kids got what they deserved.” [Sic] If they had ended up hospitalized, legitimately needing treatment not, ‘just whining,’ ‘looking to begin an abuse case’ would that be enough for us, society to reassess our thinking; what if they had seen a doctor, even for something unrelated, what would they think of the ‘spanked for robbery’ line seeing where marks/lacerations were, would he/she suddenly be under an obligation as a mandated reporter to notify authorities of suspected abuse? Why do we already suspect we know the answer and it isn’t in Ms. Spears favor? Do they have to be in a coma, suffering broken limbs, burns before you think it’s a good idea to step in, intervene, interfere sir; do they have to be dead, an amputee, brain damaged—what before you get off the good parenting means beating, making kids bleed mantra? Where is that highly important line DA Moore? Admissions she used an RCA cord on 2 of them to administer what she called discipline should give you an inkling all is not right in Schaquana Spears’ home, it mandates further investigation to ensure the safety of children brought to your attention. Child services at least somewhat smarter than Louisiana’s graying prosecutor noting they did see fit to remove the 13 year old placing him with a relative, yet what about her other 5 kids, particular attention given to her 12 year old who had lacerations that broke skin? You’re just going to leave him there, his 10 year old brother too; he escaped with a scratch on his hand this round, what about next time both DA and child services? Isn’t it basic procedure to remove all children when investigating potential abuse; charges not pursued doesn’t mean no evidence of abuse since child services apparently had solid grounds to remove their 13 year old brother, state mounting no objection. Why not relocate with relatives, into foster care, at minimum, the other 2 children she hit, regardless stated reasons why referencing physical evidence? Where are the mandated parenting classes giving this woman more, obviously much needed tools to manage her kids, regular CPS checks ensuring hers remains a safe home for her younger children as they age, community supports to local Boys and Girls Club, Big Brothers Big Sisters, places her older children can go while she works and be supervised, engaged, mentored? Maybe someone should beat you with that same RCA cord, based on the decision you made, until you have lacerations on both your arms, linear marks on your legs shoulder, back and stomach, sure to break skin on one of your arms like the 12 year old you sent back there DA Moore, child services caseworker who had this come across your desk, see if it constitutes abuse to you then. Not coincidentally, had a guard done similar things to a prisoner, jail inmate as added ‘punishment,’ ‘deterrent’ to be sure they didn’t do it again, they would lose their job and said inmate would have a case for assault, abuse, violation of rights, a good lawyer citing constitutional prohibition of cruel and unusual punishment. But Ms. Spears is just a mother, a mother who should be put up for mother of the year awards not labeled the bad guy, a criminal, all that legal common knowledge going out the window, DA’s choices according to readers, commenters deemed reasonable when cataloging specific facts denoting Spears’ family situation; children’s father not in the picture because he is serving time in prison, her desire to keep them from walking the same path, making the same wrong choices. Media helping that trope right along, doing it again: watering down, sanitizing what Spears did to fit national perceptions of its acceptability; anchor saying she swatted her kids for what they did refusing to see them in jail or dead. Except A- her children aren’t flies, insects you swat away, B- she wasn’t using a flyswatter, her open hand when she hit them, nor were they spanked exclusively on the buttocks with a belt indicative of punishment, steep punishment related to burglary. What she did carries all the markers of learning her kids took something from a lady’s home, herding them to their house and, moment doors were closed, ranting, raving, charging through her house looking for anything to hit them with, locating that infamous RCA cord, later the belt, hitting them indiscriminately wherever she could reach; surprising there weren’t marks on their faces. Schaquana Spears you are “the bad guy” because what you thought discipline crosses the line to abuse; your approach to handling your kids, instilling right from wrong only sets them up to act out more. Proving we will push licensing for eyebrow threaders in one state, whatever that is; we’ll let local politicians win elections vowing a crusade to be tough on crime resulting in death for people like Eric Garner, suspected seller of loose cigarettes, Michael Brown alleged thief of less than $5 in mini cigars, Alton Sterling selling CD’s from the back of his car confronted about someone waving a gun while his remained in his pocket, Philando castile guilty of a traffic violation: broken taillight suspected robbery suspect, Walter Scott broken taillight warrant for child support. First 3 who knows if they’re guilty, their arrests never got that far before they were shot dead; last 2, their crimes didn’t deserve death as well as pointing out the ludicrousness of warrants for child support, mirroring untold dozens nationwide dead under a cloud of almost identical clashes playing out between citizens and police. We will try the Slender Man stabbers as adults even though they were 12 at the time, one has been diagnosed schizophrenic, telling doctors she has mind control abilities communicating with various fictional characters from books, movies and television, had a first degree relative suffering similar mental disturbance, both documented incapable of distinguishing fantasy and reality, stabbing their classmate believing if they didn’t Slender Man would hurt their families. But we won’t go after parents who are fully in possession of their mental faculties, who should be able to distinguish right from wrong, comprehend what they’re doing could be wrong, reaching the realm of too far, or if they aren’t, in full possession of their faculties, they perhaps don’t need to be raising children and certainly not without having gotten help, a diagnosis, therapy, medication, community support services designed specifically so such persons can keep their kids, remain fit to do so. Contrast, Demecio Powell’s abusers were charged, no hesitation trying that case, assumed still in jail, no national updates available; Adrian Peterson made headlines for switch flogging his 4 year old over a shove involving a video game, was charged, avoiding jail time thanks to a plea deal offered due to his immediate seeking counseling. Guaranteed, his having been charged, accepting that plea deal as resolution of his case, it being on record plus the exposed texted messages between him and another of his children’s mothers discussing said child receiving a cut over his eye, hit on a car seat for cussing, if he does anything like either incident again he will not see his kids without supervision or not at all. Because charges were dropped, officials declined to prosecute Schaquana Spears—no one will pay attention in the future.
Concurrently for all we know, upon learning the father was in prison, they miss him, they did this to go see him, they want to stay with him, even in jail because, for whatever reason, they don’t like mom; stupid from our point of but exactly how a child’s mind works. What do we want to bet the other strong, strong likelihood in their house is that every time they didn’t clean their room, fought with their siblings, got in minor trouble at school, did poorly on a test, despite her assertions they were in gifted programs, on honor roll; facts that are perplexingly incongruent with their breaking and entering, adding more suspicions other things are going on here, they got differing variations on ‘do you wanna end up just like your daddy, locked up just like your daddy, in jail/prison like your daddy?’ Every time she saw a personality trait reminding her of their father same scenario, they get lectured at for being who they are, put down for traits they’re still learning to hone through the difficulty of adolescence, hearing that for years. Twice as impactful because it came from mom, reaching their spirit, souls because it’s mom disparaging their dad to their faces, telling them not to be like him in any way, shape or form not just his mistakes, bad decisions; divorced parents advised never to badmouth the children’s non-custodial parent to them, infinitely more important here. Leaving the child’s mindset: well if that’s what mommy thinks I am/where I’ll end up, might as well. Being male, black, lower middle class, lower class or poor, what kind of reception do we know, evidenced by research, they got in school; harsher punishments for any wrongdoing, racism, classism, gender bias via teachers, administrators, despite odd claims her kids were in specialized programs for high achievers, still feeling that undercurrent. Those who don’t think she’s mother of the year, were pleased, or at least thought it fair, for her to be charged, seen as reaping the consequences of her actions whether they named it failure to previously parent, the abuse they believe accurately describes her behavior, or finally, taking the law into her own hands, failing to inform police about what her sons had done, would doubtlessly assert she is likely also lacking knowledge on her children’s school performance, problems had with friends, bullies, student conflicts, uninformed about whatever her kids are going through. Parents who think school is a cakewalk aside from age appropriately challenging academics; I had a parent myself who thought the most complicated things I had to worry about were what to wear and how long I could put off an assignment, clueless about the amount of effort I put in, what it took mentally to get the good grades I got or excess hassle from all sides being one of the few physically disabled kids in school. I had a teacher who spoke about shadowing her freshman daughter for a day finally understanding why she wasn’t raring to go when mom came home and said let’s do this let’s do that; finally understanding how tired she was, school for kids is like a full day of work for us. Living in probable poverty, single parent 6 children, is it about having next to nothing, being teased at school for having no money, being on free lunch, ‘living there;’ do the oldest 2 already see they have no future beyond a subsistence job, all the things their teachers talk about regarding their potential ring false because they know they won’t able to afford college, already seeing the system as against them: penal system, school system? I alluded to this when dissecting Toya Graham and her son along with the Baltimore riots; the earlier children figure out ‘authority’ is arbitrary and cruel, multitudes of rules adults set are stupid and unnecessary (think dress code headlines, yearbook alterations), the sooner they rebel, buck the system many times for their own safety, in favor of their own moral compass minus what they term bullshit, the sooner they get fed up, willing to throw in the towel in some way if it means and end to the crap. Further elaborating on previous paragraph statements her approach to discipline will cause more, not less, acting out; we know, from the same school research, constant harsher punishment, scrutiny, harassment and degrading by school officials throughout every level, creates fear, fear of the minor infraction, translating into running from cops later in life, fearing those same minor infractions, traffic tickets, child support, loose cigarettes. Carrying that over, how high are chances spankings, let’s call them what they are, beatings like the ones documented in police reporting are regular in Spears’ home causing fear of minor infractions, not so minor infractions; child’s mindset being if I’m going to get hit for every tiny thing I do wrong, might as well know what I’m getting hit for, be hit for something I want since it doesn’t seem to matter either way. Assuming she’s right about her children’s academics, this is the first serious thing they’ve done beyond breaking house rules, did something happen to 1, all 3 of them; were they beaten up, molested, wrongly accused of stealing reviving our recurring theme: of, you’re going to accuse me, I might as well do it. Going back to my first piece on Spears, left open ended, what role did the younger 2 siblings play in the robbery; were they shocked into silence, immobility, exhibiting loyalty to older brother? Were they all 3 trying to join a gang in an effort to be man of the house since there isn’t one around; were they trying to join gang less because they thought it was cool, would make them men, give them an image as being tough and more because they just got tired of being harassed by neighborhood members to join, because they wouldn’t join? Was it to deal with bullying, harassment at school knowing no one would mess with them if they were a member of…was it to protect their mom, their little siblings from leveraged threats, kept from mom because she works hard, has enough to worry about? We don’t know and neither does Schaquana Spears. Problem neither does she care; not cognizant enough, possessing the wherewithal to conclude anything on that list could be part of the problem. Telling reporters she’s a mother who loves her kids, I love my kids— just not enough to address periphery issues combined with punishing them for burglary, I love my kids—just not enough to have subsequent relevant conversations with them, about their father, about what’s bothering them, resisting gangs, calling police to deal with it, I love my kids—just not enough to put positive male role models into your adolescent son’s lives, recognize this day was coming, they now need that like never before. Still we will continue to support people like this mother socially, on a societal level despite the arguably equal number of testimonials coming from criminals, prison/jail inmates who came from loving, ideal 2 parent homes and actively picked the wrong choices, had at least 1 parent telling them what the right choices were, giving advice and instituting those consequences, including so called azz whopings and they still didn’t listen, went their own way resulting in jail. To say nothing of the number of seemingly run of the mill prison/jail inmates who were abused under the guise of actions like Spears, who processed their spanking, punishment as abuse mentally, emotionally; effects uncaring of if what parents did technically met the textbook definition labeled abuse, because psychologically, mentally it was, creating the same lasting, devastating propensity for criminality they were desperately trying to prevent.
Shanavia Miller another in a long line of social media shaming parents alerting us to just how bad America’s collective parenting is becoming, who think it is perfectly ok to shame, humiliate and abuse their children on the internet, who have zero qualms about making their business public to prove they are a bad ass parent, they got this, show all their friends what happened to their kid when they ‘defy’ mom or dad. Striking, in every one of these is, it’s what you don’t hear or see in the video, references not made to prior conversations on the topic at hand, whether it was fair distribution of chores in relation to laptop shooting dad, recognition of what his daughter does do at home. There’s woefully lacking any indication there will be a rational, instructive conversation on what not to post on social media and key, why, sexuality, safe sex, whether discussing One Direction ticket mom or Miller’s 16 year old daughter’s posting pictures, possible sexual activity, that there will ever be a rational, calm conversation about subjects presented in said YouTube, Facebook films. Instead what we do hear is a series of easily discernable ignorant, uneducated statements you’d be more apt to hear from a 16 year old than her parent, Spears’ 13, 12 and 10 year old boys, not their mother. Video opens with her screaming so you wanna be a THOT on Facebook advancing on the daughter holding a long piece of wood or plastic, hitting her, aiming for her face, forcing daughter to throw up her hands to shield herself, hitting her in the arm, leg, wherever she can reach, every time she makes a statement about showing her house in pictures, having sex in her house; when the daughter plainly says it wasn’t in your house, she is viciously slapped, accused of lying, yanked down a hallway shoved into a laundry room, backed into a corner. Mom continuing to yell ‘then you on Facebook in towels and shit’ going back to what was or wasn’t in her house, daughter keeps repeating that phrase as mom screams over and over you lying to me, you lying to me. Next something about daughter being mad about the picture, repeated questions ‘so you trying me huh,’ when the daughter remains covering her face and crying she’s slapped and asked ‘what’s wrong with you then; showing she’s smacked for answering even rhetorical questions, unable to distinguish when mom answers and when she doesn’t, still despite the pattern created in the first few seconds, mom smacks her for not answering. Daughter responds she thought something was her period causing mom to land a vicious slap to her middle and daughter to double over as mom screams ‘motherfucker you probably got discharge in your nasty ass; you nasty as hell,’ references to putting shit on Facebook. At this point readers, who can’t see the pictures daughter posted, which aren’t included for comparison, explanation of what mom is doing, are left to ponder did she post pictures on Facebook, in a towel, covering what she could, taking a picture of her private area, something ‘provocative’ seeking medical advice from friends about this discharge, about whether or not she needed to see a doctor, was it marked private according to site settings where theoretically, at least, only certain people could see it? Changing completely the context of what she posted and why, yet it’s more important to berate your daughter on Facebook, call her nasty, for a potential medical problem than it is to take her to a doctor, see what this ‘discharge’ is (could be a yeast infection, a bacterial infection unrelated to sexual activity), confirm definitively if she’s had vaginal sex? Understand, since you think she is sexually active, it could be hymen breakage common during your first time, for virgins and it’s no big deal in and of itself, but you have to know that. And wouldn’t it be nice, ideal, functional, beneficial to have a mom she could talk to about this? Edging into what many would call the parental martyrdom section where mom begins talking about working too hard, ‘you gunna try to drive me crazy hell no, come back down hard on your nasty ass; why that boy buy you shit, you got a fucking job right?’ Slapping, punching her in the face, ‘tell that boy to do something for you, you got me fucked up; you wanna embarrass me on TV, you wanna embarrass me on social media?’ Screaming again don’t fucking play with me, you hear me talking to you, back to you wanna be a THOT, you think that shit’s cute, being a THOT; at one point smacking her daughter in the crotch as she has her leg is resting on a bench type thing under the window trying to pull herself further away from her enraged mother now yelling what’s your problem repeatedly, alternating to why you wanna be a THOT asked several times, ignoring the daughter’s response repeating she does not. Returning to parental martyrdom shouting you 16 right, you only fucking 16, and you wanna be a THOT, get your grades up in school before you think about opening your legs (smack), trying to sell it on fucking Facebook (smack), keep your fucking room clean, actually be nice to your fucking sister, don’t that make sense?’ Perhaps if your 6 not 16; never mind she might keep her room cleaner and her grades higher if she wasn’t balancing work and school, could spare a nicer disposition for her sister, don’t that make sense too? Switching gears mom says ‘what the fuck you gunna do now, cause you got- put a 2 week notice in, stupid ass, no as a matter of fact I want rent money, and from now on you gunna pay for everything, you aint even have a phone that’s my Facebook page, mines don’t belong to Nia Green no more, the savage, the THOT, this nasty ass boys—got you tweaking out on Facebook’ (think the word she might have been look for was twerking; since tweaking refers to dugs usually meth). You don’t give a fuck about this shit getting back to me, saying her punches don’t hurt, they aint doing shit, you like this shit huh, (response no) then why trying me then, acting like a bitch on the street, this aint that;’ here she turns to the camera, adjusts her hair, announces, this is my fucking Facebook page, ‘aint no THOT’s over here, you got me fucked up, dirty ass boy got you acting like a clown, look at you, turning it toward the daughter covering her face as she sobs, you think that shit’s cute, you forgot I know motherfuckers, this is social media your ass, done went viral with your goofy ass–you got me out her looking bad, like I aint no good motherfucking parent, I do my best, I do my best…’ Shanavia Miller you’re not a good parent, but it isn’t solely because your daughter posted something provocative on Facebook, and if this is your best well reviving another comment on a similar story: “what passes for an adult these days.” Shanavia Miller is the apex of neo-bad parenting not marked by starvation, sexual abuse and profound physical injury precisely because nowhere in her ranting do you hear declarations like we talked about this when I let you have a Facebook page; her rantings about sex, nowhere is there a single sentence coming from mom we talked about this at age X, in grade Y when I signed the form for heath class, sex ed., what happened to that? Kid has a job, is passing in school, seems to have her act together apart from this, supporting the next section and belying mom’s version of events, who her daughter really is, but to that point, where were the conversations regarding what she would contribute to the house, household expenses now that she has a job in addition to items like lunch, school supplies, toiletries she’s expected to buy for herself, apparently nowhere. Contradicting herself suddenly demanding rent money, challenging her to pay for everything, her Facebook page is now her mother’s; patently false since access may somewhat depend on mom (there is always the public library), but the page remains hers seeing as minimum age is 13, she’s 16. Why does she have to put in her 2 week notice if her boss hasn’t seen this (doesn’t care) isn’t firing her; isn’t it better to know where she is, occupied in a public place since you missed big things in her life leading to ‘out of control’ behavior? Mom can’t even recognize her own house in pictures and we are supposed to take her seriously about the content in her daughters supposedly provocative posts, even though Inside Edition’s later reporting confirm pictures of her and a boy, interestingly all elements pointing to him being her boyfriend, her admission of being sexually active (sadly not knowing how to tell her mother); pictures taken at the boy’s home, logical conclusion this is also where they had sex, not in her mother’s house, as the daughter kept trying to tell her. Striking 2 of her accusations off the list; mystifying is how having a boyfriend, one boyfriend, having sex with that one boyfriend makes her a THOT, wh-re, slut, when it should make her a person, not that she was ever anything else. Most would call that a relationship, following up asking why it is wrong to accept gifts from a boyfriend for birthday, special occasion; hint: it isn’t.
Instead of primary focus being her daughter, what she’s missing at home causing her to do this, what’s really going on in her head when posting that type of picture, what will be done to mitigate damage caused by it, it’s all about the parent; from almost the very beginning it’s about you wanna embarrass me on TV, on social media, you forget I know motherfuckers proving her concern is not her daughters online reputation, possible solicitation from older men, predators based on what she put up, future ability to get into college, her boss, her school finding out, it’s about her and who she knows, who will think less of her because of what her daughter did. Salon.com article below onto something in Dutch parenting, seeing their kids as individuals with their own quirks and problems, personalities and strengths not the positive or negative result of hours spent pouring over parenting books, viewing their child’s achieving, lack thereof a report card on their parenting, sensible counter to today’s helicopter parents; contrary to popular opinion, this may not have been about seeking attention, craving the wrong kind of attention, testing limits, boundaries, being out of control, or the biggie, disrespecting her mother. As if that’s the biggest issue beside the daughter disrespecting herself; analyzing fall out, in a comment on Facebook post beating, look closely how she words what she says putting disrespecting her (mom) before disrespect of self— ugh. “I love my daughter with all my heart what ever(sic) happens after this o well,” Miller wrote. “My daughter is not going to disrespect me or herself for nobody …Ain’t nothing change she still my baby …lesson learned now have a blessed day.” Questioning where were conversations about respecting your body starting when you tell them no one should touch what’s under their bathing suit and evolving from there as the child grows? Forget momentarily conversations on practicing safe sex, birth control, where was mom noticing her interest in boys, that she like a boy, knowing at 16 her daughter might begin to date, an acceptable age to many, conversations about healthy relationships at her age and beyond, where were conversations about if a boy is pressuring you to have sex he’s not worth it, when a relationship looks solid enough to last, it might be ok to consider sexual intimacy? Basic body facts like hymen breakage when you have sex the first time, (one huge thing missing from sex ed. seems to be knowledge the first time can be painful, isn’t some romantic, wonderful experience out of books or movies necessarily), possible discharges from the vagina and what they mean, when to see a doctor; a fundamental idea your kids can come to you no matter what, even if they make a mistake, even if they mess up profoundly you’ll help them deal with it, not subverting punishment, consequences, but support opposite abandonment, ignoring them until they screw up then beating them? The Netherlands has one of the lowest rates of teen pregnancy in the world, predominantly due to pregnancy prevention, predictably too lower instances of STD’s because they aren’t prudes about sex, they can say appropriate names for body parts, penis, vagina, intercourse sans being uncomfortable; conversely we have safe haven laws allowing teen parents, scared parents to drop off their babies at hospitals, churches, fire departments, social service offices post them being born in toilets, born and thrown in shoe boxes, garbage bags and dying because teens were too petrified to tell their parents, too afraid of disappoint their parents. Recommendations pediatricians talk to their teen patients about sex instead of the go to assumption they aren’t interested, having sex, pushback against parents unwilling to be open with their children; Schaquana Spears has 6 kids because republicans are bound and determined to bar women from birth control. We have Millar, channeling Pam Stenzel like sex ed. saying you’ll be diseased, die if you have sex, sex any sex, no matter how many times you’ve had sex, or not had sex means promiscuity, has little knowledge and communicates less to her daughter. She’s using coded language, THOT standing for (that hoe over there); because, even subconsciously she knows if she calls her daughter a hoe, slut, c-nt repeatedly, watchers might wonder why her own mother would say such a thing no matter what she posted, especially adding in the boyfriend component. Several commenters remarking mother is criticizing her daughter’s Facebook post they can’t see/find, wearing booty shorts and a too tight tank top, shorts noted to be shorter than her daughters; screaming hypocrite in their eyes, no matter how old mom is, that it’s her house. Worse, doing so knowing she intended to put this on Facebook the whole time; why people are judging her harshly, justifiably attacking her parenting skills, not merely because she physically abused her daughter, but was neglectful, inattentive and uninformative cultivating an environment allowing this to happen. Another hint it wasn’t about you mom, it wasn’t about out of control, public; she wasn’t selling herself on Facebook, pimping herself out to random men on Facebook posting, sending pictures to random men on Facebook only a picture of her and her boyfriend, she wasn’t live streaming sex acts with her boyfriend or anyone else, it was limited to pictures both in a towel. We’ll return to why yes that’s wrong, will be construed in the worst way possible, but stop embellishing what she actually did. She probably did think her and her boyfriend were cute together; her response to mom’s initial accusation of her being a THOT was it say it wasn’t like that. So what was it like to her; again Shanavia Miller will never know because she chose name calling her and beating her, exact opposite way to get kids to open up and tell you what they are thinking, explain their actions, seeming to be announcing her relationship to friends, working out a way to tell her mother about her boyfriend. Begging the question who is sexualizing our kids is it movies, music, television, less and less clothing in fashions for junior, petite and missy girls, exposure and pressure from social media, or is it us who see whatever was posted and think THOT, tramp, floozy, prostitute. But she was half naked according to commenters who somehow saw the pictures, bending over in one; yet how many times has social media gotten it wrong, the miss America sticking her tongue out in a photo at a friend’s house deemed not a role model, pictures taken in the same location including a drink on the table, not confirmed to be alcohol, her not partaking nearly costing her, her crown. Girl called wh-re by classmates only picture present standard school head shot Dr. Phil image manager telling her to clean it up; Steubenville rape case and the teens drunken rant calling the victim so dead, so raped, claims she was left in a field, urinated on, determined false by news reports. Him, not present or one of the teens charged with the crime, his ‘information’ still going viral, influencing public opinion on the case, actions still attributed to those who were charged. The picture of the ‘passed out girl,’ the victim that had ‘every parent’s heart in their throat,’ even though you can’t see her eyes to determine emotion, happy, sad, scared, conscious, unconscious, everyone’s clothing on, no signs of being redressed her scantily clad, skimpy outfit commiserate with August weather. Nia Green is no more out of control than everyone else, across all ages, who has posted something questionable on the internet; Nia Green screaming the need for internet education in all brackets of society. No mom she didn’t go vital with her sexy, provocative, nasty pictures, precisely because I, Jane Q. public, blog author Natasha Sapp hadn’t seen or heard of her until I saw video of both of you; you made sure she went viral, at your request it’s worth adding, when you beat her and put your business on blast, a mother who would have flipped out at her daughter having sex at 16 or 26 without her approval, who thinks physical violence is the solution.
We will do anything but send a message to parents if you do this, it’s abuse for which you will be prosecuted; standard for all extreme and more traditional methods, hot saucing for lying, swearing, ass whopings going a step further and cravenly tacking it up on social media oblivious to you might be called a child abuser, so convinced of their own rightness, shocked they could under basic penal code statutes, stretching back decades, none of the new ‘outlawing spanking nonsense’ wind up in jail. Encouragement to do it but keep it behind closed doors is not only sick, wrong, twisted, it will not protect you from the law if you are guilty of abusing our future not just yours. Of course children are ‘out of control’ according to that context matching this comment on school administrator violence: “These people are OBSESSED with the concept of respect, and yet have no idea where kids this age are in their psychological development. They want to say “jump” and expect the kids to say “how high” without a pause. They want teenagers to have the social reasoning skills of an adult in their 30s, but the subservient and childish attitude of a kid in a “teacher-pleaser” grade (6, 7, 8, and 9 year olds). They’ve got this idea of “good, disciplined” teenagers marching in formation and chanting “yes sir.” But bro, that’s not how teenagers and preteens act. Even the most well-behaved, properly raised teenager is going to be a pain sometimes, because developmentally, they’re supposed to be questioning everything and challenging authority. But these so-called adults in their lives are, again, OBSESSED with feeling “respected,” and feel entitled to “respect” (though what they mean is “unquestioning subservience”), and therefore, feel entitled to fly into a violent rage when a teenager is “argumentative.” Or “defiant.” Or “didn’t listen.” You see how in none of these videos is the child actually being violent or dangerous. They’re doing things like sassing back, raising their voice, or silently refusing to do something the first or second time they’re asked. Which contradicts the fantasy these people have who went into education or law enforcement to “get respect” from a less powerful group.” [Sic] Of course they are ‘out of control’ when they know their rights know you can’t bruise them, beat them, leave them with open cuts that make them bleed, when they know the benign thing you are trying to exert authority over you don’t actually have authority over parent or no. Obedience under the parental schema laid out in the bible, doesn’t mean unquestioning subservience and no teens shouldn’t be marching in formation and chanting “yes sir, exuding the childish attitude of a kid in a “teacher-pleaser” grade (6, 7, 8, and 9 year olds,” because you should be honing them thinking for themselves, at this age in particular; stop dragging respect and its opposite disrespect into everything your teen does or doesn’t when that’s not why they did it, didn’t enter into their thinking. There are times when what they’re doing has nothing to do with you; the sole reason for their existence is not to piss you off, contradicting the long standing trope, we know. And there is something to having a rudimentary grasp on child development of at each stage through the 20’s; for evidence reread the mindset section in paragraph 4. Remember, countering redundant tropes on doing something, taking action, caring enough not to let their kids become criminals, get pregnant, these parents both had choices well before they made headlines, went viral on social media, latter by her own volition, chose extremes prompting investigation. Schaquana Spears had the option from the outset not to leave he children unsupervised, probably in charge of younger siblings; because redundancy, upon redundancy what we don’t hear is their isn’t a Boys and Girls Club locally, no community center, no places for kids to go, not just hers; no Big Brothers Big Sisters, no male role model relatives to fill that hole in their life, evidence she’s even considered there is one. She had the option after finding out about the burglary, to come home send them to their room telling them they were grounded, list things they could not do until further notice, sit down and think out her next move, then react, as opposed to whining to news media “I reacted and I’m the bad guy;” no you panicked, flew off the handle, lost control, abused your kids and it’s supposed to be all good because you’re trying to keep them from prison. She had the option to strip down their rooms of everything but bedding, 2 changes of clothes making them earn everything back with good behavior and time; she had the option to make them sit in that stripped down room except meals, bathroom trips and showers, simulating jail for a week, a month remainder of summer vacation. Enough with the these people are distraught no wonder they acted the way they did look at their kids behavior; you panicked fine, you’re angry, fine, have your freak out, throw your little tantrum and when you can be semi-calm 90% rational, then deal with your kid. Shanavia Miller had the option before what happened, happened to keep lines of communication open with her teen, teach her how to respect her body, talk to her about sex, talk to her about her values in tandem with sex ed. class, about her own sexual experience, why it’s good to wait past ‘I’ll brain you if I catch you having sex, have clear rules about social media, constantly talking to her, showing her other people’s mistakes, clear expectations of financial responsibilities upon getting a job. Once it did happen she had the option to take away her daughters phone, tablet, limit her computer access to school alone, restrict her movements: school, work, home that’s it indefinitely, seeing this boy, no, have those long overdue conversations. Because what she did do doesn’t teach her daughter how to make better choices respecting her body in a greater way, doesn’t teach her why teenage sex is not ideal, how to have sex safely any time in the future including well after she leaves home, it doesn’t prevent STD’s, the big gasp, pregnancy. Beating her to dissipate your anger, your disappointment won’t change the fact if you wanted to postpone her having sex, it’s too late, if you wanted to prevent her exposure to STD’s, it’s too late, your actions don’t show her how to prevent pregnancy, where to get birth control, even in the future as a married woman who can’t afford kids yet, more kids, resolve what to do about the pictures already out there. show her how to manage her online reputation, come back from this and there is a way to do that easy no, impossible also no. Instead Nia Green learned sex is wrong, bad nasty, when it’s supposed to be a pleasurable thing under the right circumstances even biblically (Songs of Solomon), Nia Green learned I’m wrong, bad, nasty for having sex, not having sex at 16, having sex at all, Nia Green learned she can’t talk to her mother about anything. Nia Green’s mother sent her daughter running into his arms despite the Stockholm syndrome reminiscent Facebook posting: First Off I Shouldnt Embarrassed My Moma , I Love Her . Yes this is me . Niaaa . I Shouldnt even been doing what i did. No i didnt have vari in my house when she said not to . I was at his house . Im only 16 yrs old . I was gonna open up and tell her that i was having sex . I was just gonna wait a couple days to see how i was gone tell her . I understand why she did what she did . Everybody laughing and making reenactments . Sharing my pictures im seeing everything. I did go to the hospital only because i have (anxiety) attacks & real bad head ache . I embarrassed my moma so she embarrassed me . Im not defending the live video cas when school start next week all eyes on me . Im at work all eyes on me . I kno next time to just keep my business to myself [Sic], because he’s the one not hitting her, telling her she matters, he loves her. We as society have options too, beginning with: to stop accepting domestic violence doled out via parents as the price payed for a so called civilized society then wondering why teens, 20 somethings, 30 somethings beat up the homeless lady, the old lady who looks just like the mother, aunt who abused them as a child, wondering who could hurt the sweet old man, the homeless guy who never hurt anyone because they look like, the father, grandfather, uncle who abused them as a child. We change our vocabulary about how teens are ‘out of control’ notice how out of control everyone is, including likely to have been spanked as part of the ‘old school’ adults; we reorganize we too got up to many things our parents didn’t know about and we’re glad they don’t. We understand Hillar Moore said it kids with no discipline and no parental authority; understanding there are many productive methods of discipline, teaching, consequences between these given extremes and doing nothing, permitting criminality, effective, right ways to react that achieve the goal non-violently. We as society have options too: starting at to stop believing a pregnant teenager is the apocalypse since they’ve been around circa the dawn of time, there were pregnant teens, unwed mothers in the 1950’s and society survived. Either we stop parents abusing their children for having sex, being prudes about sex, talk frankly, honestly and openly with kids about sex, removing the mystery, allure, forbidden attraction or we will have more of the same. We perhaps stop sending mixed messages about sex; noting millennials are having less sex then freaking out they’re missing out is just the latest example. Better if the newest messages about consent breaking it down for the modern era is my dress is not a yes, my presence at a bar/party is not a yes, the number of drinks I’ve had is not a yes, my number of prior sexual partners is A- none of your business and also not a yes; only an enthusiastic yes mesa yes, woman can stand naked inked in Sharpie marker saying still not asking for it to make a point. Why wasn’t Shanavia Miller’s message to stand next to her daughter in that questionable and say boldly there are no THOT’s over here because I will not use that kind of language to describe my daughter and I better not catch you doing so either, this is 16 (pointing at picture) why are you sexualizing that, with a boy and in a towel is not sex, is not a yes, at least not to you. AND A PICTURE IS NOT A YES! AN INVITATION! AN ADVERTISEMENT! Why wasn’t that the message of empowerment?